Bucket list
My husband I and I were driving along the other day. It was sunny and we were on our own, feeling relaxed and happy and we were chatting about this and that when he asked me what was on my bucket list. I couldn't think of anything. Not one single thing I really want to do before I 'kick the bucket'. The realisation hit me like a cold, wet slap in the face.
I wish I could say my bucket list is empty because I feel completely fulfilled with my life as it is and there's nothing I aspire to do. I mean, I have two gorgeous children, amazing friends, lovely family and a job that isn't too taxing and allows me to have a work-life balance. And in one way it is true. I love my life and the people in it and I feel so grateful for all I have. But to say that's why I don't have a bucket list would be a cop out. It's because over the years, I have become so focused on just surviving, that I haven't given myself permission to dream. The pressure of being the major breadwinner, the responsible one, the one who has to keep the family grounded and safe has left me empty. I haven't dared to take the time to think about my dreams, my hopes, my passions.
I began to cry.
Not exactly the reaction my husband was expecting to his lighthearted, playful question.
I sobbed as I realised just how crippled by fear I have become without even noticing it. When did I turn into this person? I used to have ideas, dreams, desires. Where did they go? And when?
As I wept, with my slightly baffled husband by my side, my sorrow slowly started to be replaced by another feeling - gratitude. I am so grateful that I've had this realisation because now I'm aware of it, I can change it.
My first step is to dig deep and find those long forgotten dreams and breathe new life into them. Then I'll start my bucket list.
I'll let you know how I go!
Do you have a bucket list? What's on it?
My husband I and I were driving along the other day. It was sunny and we were on our own, feeling relaxed and happy and we were chatting about this and that when he asked me what was on my bucket list. I couldn't think of anything. Not one single thing I really want to do before I 'kick the bucket'. The realisation hit me like a cold, wet slap in the face.
I wish I could say my bucket list is empty because I feel completely fulfilled with my life as it is and there's nothing I aspire to do. I mean, I have two gorgeous children, amazing friends, lovely family and a job that isn't too taxing and allows me to have a work-life balance. And in one way it is true. I love my life and the people in it and I feel so grateful for all I have. But to say that's why I don't have a bucket list would be a cop out. It's because over the years, I have become so focused on just surviving, that I haven't given myself permission to dream. The pressure of being the major breadwinner, the responsible one, the one who has to keep the family grounded and safe has left me empty. I haven't dared to take the time to think about my dreams, my hopes, my passions.
I began to cry.
Not exactly the reaction my husband was expecting to his lighthearted, playful question.
I sobbed as I realised just how crippled by fear I have become without even noticing it. When did I turn into this person? I used to have ideas, dreams, desires. Where did they go? And when?
As I wept, with my slightly baffled husband by my side, my sorrow slowly started to be replaced by another feeling - gratitude. I am so grateful that I've had this realisation because now I'm aware of it, I can change it.
My first step is to dig deep and find those long forgotten dreams and breathe new life into them. Then I'll start my bucket list.
I'll let you know how I go!
Do you have a bucket list? What's on it?
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