It's the last day of 2013 and for a lot of people they'll be saying "thank god!" It was a year of struggle for many of the people I know, affected by illness, death, separation, business failure, friendships ending, troubles at work. It seems everyone I talk to can't wait to see the end of the year. I totally understand - I went through a few of those things i just listed - and it would be easy to just write it off as a shit year and one I'm glad is over, but I had to stop myself and realise a) while a lot of crap happened so did some great stuff (sometimes as a result of the crap I went through), and b) everything that happened taught me a lesson which I needed to learn to better equip me for an amazing year ahead.
For example My husband and I had some really dark moments (days, weeks, months) where I think we both ready to just call it quits. It was hard to see any light at then end of the very long, very black tunnel we found ourselves in. There were tears and arguments and shouting and blame and anger and sorrow and depression. I don't know how but we've managed to keep it together and today, maybe even because of all that yelling our relationship is the strongest it has been in the 12 years we've been together. We are communicating more and have had some really honest conversations that probably wouldn't have happened had we not been through that awful period.
I was also jolted by the deaths of several friends over the year. One was a friends mother who I knew and really liked and admired for many years. She was ill and her death was not unexpected but I think what really surprised me and gave me a kick up the ass was her funeral. It was truly lovely. She had been able to plan a lot of it and she made it full of joy. The last few years hasn't been kind to Jenny and she had every reason to be angry and bitter but she wasn't. What shined through on the day that she was laid to rest was the gratitude she had. She was grateful for her friends, her children, her life which she filled with adventure and fun and experiences. The other thing that was evident was the love in the room. Everyone there knew and truly loved Jenny for who she was. It occurred to me that this was the kind of life I wanted and the legacy I wanted to leave. Then I realised there is only one person in the world who can make that happen for me. ME! I will forever be grateful to Jenny for her inspiration.
There was also the sudden death of my friend Chris who I didn't know was even sick. He was taken swiftly and without fuss in November. I hadn't speak to him in such a long time but had often thought "I wonder how Chris is going. I really must call him" but I didn't because other things came up and I got busy. How easy it is?
Chris's death was another wake up call for me for me to take responsibility for my life and my happiness because our time is limited and we are in charge of our own destiny.
For me, trying to find lessons from these tragedies is a way of trying to make sense of them and honouring the memory of these people who made the world a better place just by being in it.
There is so much more I could write about how and why 2013 has been a tough year but I want to finish it in a positive way, because despite the things that have happened to and around me there is still so much to be grateful for and I know I am so incredibly fortunate in the grand scheme of things.
I have discovered new friends and have been reminded of the amazing support of old ones. When I stop and think about the people I have in my life I literally well up. I am surrounded by love and strength and support, and I've been making a conscious effort to make sure those people know how much I love them.
I have achieved things I wanted to achieve. I've achieved things I thought I wanted but realised they actually weren't all that great, then summoned up the courage to walk away from them.
To varying degrees I've been hurt, let down, betrayed, manipulated, underestimated, lied to, lied about and disappointed and while I haven't fully forgiven those who did wrong by me this year (I'm not a fecking saint) I can say I have (mostly) let go of the anger, accepted that everyone is fighting their own battles and have their own reasons for doing what they do, and have taken a little lesson away from each experience.
I have also felt the pure joy of meeting brand new human beings who have brought with them so much love and hope. Their innocence and beauty warm the heart and nourish the soul. I look forward to watching them grow and develop over the next year and beyond.
So all in all it's been a tough year but I know it has prepared us well for the future and whatever it holds.
Happy New Year
For example My husband and I had some really dark moments (days, weeks, months) where I think we both ready to just call it quits. It was hard to see any light at then end of the very long, very black tunnel we found ourselves in. There were tears and arguments and shouting and blame and anger and sorrow and depression. I don't know how but we've managed to keep it together and today, maybe even because of all that yelling our relationship is the strongest it has been in the 12 years we've been together. We are communicating more and have had some really honest conversations that probably wouldn't have happened had we not been through that awful period.
I was also jolted by the deaths of several friends over the year. One was a friends mother who I knew and really liked and admired for many years. She was ill and her death was not unexpected but I think what really surprised me and gave me a kick up the ass was her funeral. It was truly lovely. She had been able to plan a lot of it and she made it full of joy. The last few years hasn't been kind to Jenny and she had every reason to be angry and bitter but she wasn't. What shined through on the day that she was laid to rest was the gratitude she had. She was grateful for her friends, her children, her life which she filled with adventure and fun and experiences. The other thing that was evident was the love in the room. Everyone there knew and truly loved Jenny for who she was. It occurred to me that this was the kind of life I wanted and the legacy I wanted to leave. Then I realised there is only one person in the world who can make that happen for me. ME! I will forever be grateful to Jenny for her inspiration.
There was also the sudden death of my friend Chris who I didn't know was even sick. He was taken swiftly and without fuss in November. I hadn't speak to him in such a long time but had often thought "I wonder how Chris is going. I really must call him" but I didn't because other things came up and I got busy. How easy it is?
Chris's death was another wake up call for me for me to take responsibility for my life and my happiness because our time is limited and we are in charge of our own destiny.
For me, trying to find lessons from these tragedies is a way of trying to make sense of them and honouring the memory of these people who made the world a better place just by being in it.
There is so much more I could write about how and why 2013 has been a tough year but I want to finish it in a positive way, because despite the things that have happened to and around me there is still so much to be grateful for and I know I am so incredibly fortunate in the grand scheme of things.
I have discovered new friends and have been reminded of the amazing support of old ones. When I stop and think about the people I have in my life I literally well up. I am surrounded by love and strength and support, and I've been making a conscious effort to make sure those people know how much I love them.
I have achieved things I wanted to achieve. I've achieved things I thought I wanted but realised they actually weren't all that great, then summoned up the courage to walk away from them.
To varying degrees I've been hurt, let down, betrayed, manipulated, underestimated, lied to, lied about and disappointed and while I haven't fully forgiven those who did wrong by me this year (I'm not a fecking saint) I can say I have (mostly) let go of the anger, accepted that everyone is fighting their own battles and have their own reasons for doing what they do, and have taken a little lesson away from each experience.
I have also felt the pure joy of meeting brand new human beings who have brought with them so much love and hope. Their innocence and beauty warm the heart and nourish the soul. I look forward to watching them grow and develop over the next year and beyond.
So all in all it's been a tough year but I know it has prepared us well for the future and whatever it holds.
Happy New Year
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