The break up

So two weeks ago I ended one of the biggest relationships in my life - i broke up with Facebook.

Well actually, it was more like a trial separation. I didn't delete my account but i stopped using it, and anyone who knows me knows what a huge deal that is. I thought i would really struggle with the disconnect considering i was a borderline compulsive but actually it was easy. True, i did miss the daily giggles i got from the updates of some of my lovely, funny, slightly crazy friends but i didn't miss all the other garbage on there - like the notifications that this 'friend' took the "How sexy are you today" quiz, or the status of that 'frenemy' that was offensive, racist and, worst of all, contained SPELLING ERRORS. I also didn't miss the passive-aggressive status updates by family members that just plain pissed me off.

Jokes aside though what it all boiled down to was that I just didn’t have the headspace for Facebook. My brain went into information overload and I realised that logging on was actually stressing me out.

Anyhoo, while i was revelling in my new found freedom from the shackles of social networking, Facebook wasn't coping so well. It took rejection pretty hard. I imagine it in its underwear, with three days of growth, lying on the couch in a dark room with empty bottles of Jack Daniels littering the floor (oh yeah, Facebook drinks JD).





After about three days of mourning it began its campaign to woo me back.


At first it was just a friendly email “Jennifer, we noticed you haven’t been on Facebook for a while” which I thought was really sweet – wow it actually noticed I wasn’t there…
…..Then the next day there was a more insistent “Jennifer, you have notifications pending”, which I thought was a little abrupt but hey FB is busy…
…..then there was repeated attempts at emotional blackmail “Jennifer, Nicci posted some big news, don’t miss it”, and “See Sally’s new photos”.
Then finally it moved into the angry stage of grief – “If you don’t get your ass back on Facebook now we’re going to track you down and kill you and your family!” (Actually I made that up).


So finally I have caved. I’m hooking back up with Facebook BUT we’ve got some new rules.

I’m only remaining friends with the people I actually care about. I’ve deleted all the former school mates who I wouldn’t sit down and have a coffee with if I had a chance. I also deleted anyone I didn’t know personally, anyone who I knew only friended me to collect info for their next gossip session and anyone who added me just to boost their numbers.

Gone too is everyone under the age of 21 because either a) they are too young to read what I put on FB or b) I’m too old to for their dramatic crap (also they can’t spell and use slang I don’t understand).

So after taking some time off, deleting the people i don't care about and updating my profile picture to something more flattering I’m ready to give this relationship one more try.

Geez if only life was as simple as Facebook……..